Darkest Before Dusk
There are days that I can never be rid of. PTSD terrors are just a part of everyday life now. Some are those days I wish I hadn't shed so much blood (oh youth). Then.....
There are those I wish I had not bled so much.
There are days that make me weep or seethe with rage....
Some make me laugh or mourn....more often than not it's the latter.
These days my nights have become darker than I've known. Not because I am depressed or lonely (which I am! Very much so!)....
No.... it's darker now because of the thing I've been gifted/cursed with. A task. I had 2 NDEs...this last one I came back with extra sight and given a stern warning to not opt out again. You listen when God is stern....I'll never forget it nor will I try that again.
My Guide...my Guardian...he woke me up slow but in a hurry, if that makes sense.
Now I'm trying to figure out pathways to each soul/spirit and how to guide them correctly. I'm terrified to lead them the wrong direction...and there are so many directions!
I will lower my third eyelid and peer into this place...of greetings and meetings and visiting....but also the lost or misplaced or confused...and the dark ones come too, peppered in with the others.
I see them in forms and some in faces. I see them trying to communicate but we can not hear each other. They read mouth and some sign...many become frustrated with me quickly. However, my Guardian helps to explain to them I'm new here and also a silly human that needs sleep...many of the most frustrated have become calm and even protective of me in slumber. Standing guard over me...they are friends.
I have no one to talk with, especially not about this....so I leave it here, on a blog belonging to a girl no one remembers.
I don't know whether she will allow me to visit her blog or not
ReplyDeleteBut I would love to say hello to her
May the peace, blessings, and mercy of God be upon you
And after:
I read what Mrs. Melody wrote carefully
I do not offer her consolation because I think she has outgrown all the words that would heal her chest
The poet says since 915 AD
The most precious place in the world is the saddle of a horse
The best companion in time is the book
There is a saying: A good book is like a good friend
Accompanying people with good morals is like accompanying a perfumer, and you will only get a good smell from him.
Loneliness, my lady, is not ugly, if I feel that those around me are busy with me or whatever.
I have experienced riches and poverty, and I have not found anyone worse than those with interests
I tried to argue and did not find anything better than ignoring
But loneliness has a disadvantage, which is that it preoccupies the mind with people, and these people are preoccupied with what their thoughts can comprehend
What you like, put it in front of your eyes, and what you don't like, put it behind your back
Contemplating the creation of the heavens, the earth, and the stars provides peace of mind and occupies the greatness of the mind, and walking in the spacious and flat land makes you feel psychological comfort and peace of mind.
Then I apologize if I invaded your privacy
In my praiseworthy solitude, I also write and rave
....I would put him in my sight. If I could find the one who held my gravity firm to him and danced with it in ways no one else could .....the one you pressed a diamond in my belly, I would have him in my foresight and every thing else after. I hold all the good of him in my heart and the bad only kept in forms of vapor that stays to my lower left , bound but only as lessons for moving forward on a correct path with him.
DeleteHowever, I'm not broken because of loneliness but it can take its toll.
You are welcome here anytime.
Your words pleased me very much, made me happy, and I liked it. Thus, I wish you good health, well-being, and psychological and physical comfort. May God make your days contented and successful, and fulfill your good wishes , May your soul be filled with peace
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