The Worry

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As I sit here in the early morning rainstorm, I can't help but compare the heavy winds to my life as it is now. The worry gripped my shoulders like my child did on the first day of kindergarten, desperately clinging on because the fear of abandonment was so strong. Worry, agonizing worry. Are You ok? Are You sheltered from this downpour of sorrow God released on the earth today? Are You hungry, still working, get the car back, did You find another woman's bed? Are You too high to notice the hurricane around You? Do You miss me? Do You think about me at all? Do You just want me to completely disappear, forever?....
Did You even care, did You ever love me at all? The silent treatment You decided to use as the answer....it is possibly the cruelest thing You've ever done to me...and You did it with full awareness and conviction. If You didn't realize (or care to know) what damage that decision would do to me, I'll let You know.....
It obliterated every ounce of worth in me.
It cemented insignificance in me.
It answer that question of "Am I good enough" with a hard NO!
It backed everything You said before and showed me the truth behind Your venomous words, "You break everything and everyone you touch", "You're crazy", "I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone"... Guess You were speaking truth the whole time. Because if I was worth it, or good enough...You would be by my side now. You wouldn't have cut me out of existence... Congrats

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